Not today

So, here's a little secret about me. I am not wonder woman. I know, I know...that's a huge shock, but it's true. I know I'm fabulous and beautiful and strong and smart and funny and have it all together (HAHAHAHAHAHA) and you are all jealous, but the truth is that it's just a big ole front to make me look good!

Ok, seriously now - I really am not wonder woman and there are days when I just don't have it in me to be all that I need to be, let alone what I want to be. In fact, today is one of those days. But the thing is, I don't have the luxury of saying no to anything. I am the mom. I have to drop off and pick up kids. I have to pack lunches and bookbags. I have to do laundry and wash dishes. I have to soothe boo boos and wipe off toilets. It's the job I signed up for and there is no end in sight. Donald Trump will not be firing me anytime soon. Throw in the fact that I am currently going through some weird bout of insomnia and on the hunt for a 'real job' and it just adds to the insanity.

I've posted before that I do not cry and that is still very true. I scream, I cuss, I fight, I withdraw, I boil under the suface but I do not cry.  But I want to cry. I think that maybe if I could just allow myself to have a good old fashioned nervous break down that I would probably feel much better. But, once again, I do not have the luxury of such foolishness.  I have to hold it all together because that's what moms do. I will admit that I did tear up a bit watching that poor man who lost his brother, son and nephew in the mine explosion give his interview on the Today Show yesterday. My heart truly goes out to everyone involved.

I guess in the grand scheme of things, my problems aren't THAT bad. Most of my troubles are internal battles and struggles of the daily grind. I am thankful that I am not sitting in a church somewhere waiting to hear if my husband is still alive (although on any given day that could be a real possibility). I am thankful that my children are well fed and safe every night. And I am thankful for my friends. Oh sure, there are things in my life that I would change and tweak if I could, but who wouldn't? But for now, I think I will just take things as they come and try to breathe. And you know what? If you don't want to see a messy house, just don't stop by cause it isn't getting cleaned today!